Archive for the ‘April Fool’ Category

Supervisors Solve Transportation Funding Crisis in Prince William County

April 1, 2010: PRINCE WILLIAM, VIRGINA – The Prince William Board of County Supervisors passed its final motion last night to cure traffic congestion in the Northern Virginia county.   Prince William has now officially annexed Fairfax and Loudoun counties, nullifying the decision by the colonial General Assembly in1742 to divide Prince William and create a separate Fairfax County. 

According to a county spokesperson, the prime objective was to re-acquire Fairfax.  However, Loudoun County was later carved out of Fairfax County, so Prince William was required to seize control of both counties when it nullified the 1742 law.    

The spokesperson went on to say, “We now have a large enough tax base that can finance our fiscally-unconstrained transportation wish lists, even if we continue the tax-exempt status of the Pentagon.  For many years, Prince William has identified good, bad, and outrageously-silly projects in a series of documents that we have cleverly called long-range transportation plans.  By capturing property taxes from what was historically part of Prince William County, now we can afford:
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Silver Lake Yacht Club to Sponsor Next America’s Cup Race

April 1, 2010: GAINSEVILLE, VA —  Larry Ellison, winner of the 2010 America’s Cup race, announced today that the 2014 challenge race will be held at Silver Lake.  

Ellison said “We were delighted when our 90-foot multihull yacht recently defeated the rival Swiss boat off the coast of Valencia, Spain.   After searching for a suitable place to defend the America’s Cup against the next challenger, and considering the Pacific off San Franciso and the Atlantic off Rhode Island, we have determined that Silver Lake offers us the greatest opportunity to showcase the best of America.”

Ellison indicated that the plans for developing Silver Lake played a major role in his decision.  “Some naysayer types have suggested that the yacht race might be inconsistent with the commitment to develop a natural-area park at Silver Lake,” he said. 

“That’s so silly!  Nothing is more natural than water.  Excavating the new race route and adding more water will increase the quality of the park.  The Park Authority is already keeping the shoreline clear of scruffy brush and trees, so no one watching the race will be bothered by bird noises, flapping leaves, or bugs humming at Silver Lake.  The support facilities for housing our next racing yacht will blend in well with the parking lots and indoor horse rinks being proposed for the site.”

Only one issue remains before closing the deal to sponsor the 2014 America’s Cup challenge at Silver Lake.  At press time, Ellison and the county agencies were engaged in negotiations to resolve the requirement from Prince William that the Park Authority must own the boat, before allowing it to be used at Silver Lake.  “This jewel must remain in the public domain,” said a county source who refused to be identified.